Just taking the Scenic Route
by dancing in daydreams
Summary: Thorin and Dwalin want to go for a little walking vacation to take them away from the stress of ruling the settlement in the Blue Mountains, but Dís and Balin think this is an awful idea. After all, neither of them has any sense of direction…


"Do you think you could take over the day-to-day running of the settlement for a few days?" Thorin asked Dís as the weekly council meeting drew to an end. "There shouldn't be too much going on. Dwalin and I would like to go on a little trip, just to have a few days to ourselves. We won't be gone longer than two weeks."

"Of course I could, but do you really think you should go on a journey to have some time together?"

"You know how it is if I try to take a few days off. There is always someone who wants just one little favour and then someone else hears about it and before you know it, it is business as usual. No, we want to be on the road to have a little freedom."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Balin put in. "Do you really want to go all on your own?"

"Why not? If we took someone along with us, we wouldn't truly be alone. There haven't been any orc sightings here in many years and it was years ago that we had to chase away those bandits."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Balin said. "And I don't want to traumatise anyone by exposing them to whatever it is that you two get up to on your own. It's just that, well, neither of you is much better at finding the way than a drunk weasel."

"We aren't that awful at finding the way," Dwalin protested. "We'll have a map and there are road signs. Don't worry, we won't get lost."

"We aren't going far and we won't be venturing off the paths either," Thorin agreed. "We will just explore the area a bit more. We have travelled on those paths hundreds of times."

"But never on your own," Balin pointed out.

"We won't be on our own this time either," Thorin said. "I'm sure one us will always remember the correct path."

Dís and Balin exchanged glances.

...

They set out early one summer morning. Dís had agreed to rule the settlement in Thorin's stead for as long as they were gone, but she and Balin had insisted they pack additional provisions.

They nodded at the guards of the settlement and walked down the road, watching as the sun illuminated the mists slowly disappearing from the lowlands before them.

"I don't know why nobody thinks we will be able to get through this trip without getting lost," Dwalin said. "We've always found our way back before. And while you are pretty directionally challenged, I'm not quite as bad."

"What about the time when you insisted you knew the way and almost made us fall off that cliff?" Thorin asked sceptically.

"I've told you before: the man that sold me the map wasn't trustworthy. He was put in jail for forgery in Bree a while after that."

Thorin made a noncommittal sound.

The air was fresh and cool and the morning birds were singing. Before long, the two dwarves began whistling a walking song.

...

Around mid-morning, they reached a path branching off the main road towards the left.

"I think this is the path that leads towards Sheephead Mountain," Dwalin said.

"Are you sure? I thought there was a sign post pointing it out."

"It must have been removed," Dwalin replied. "I'm sure it's this way."

Thorin still looked sceptical. "Alright, but if we get lost, you are the one getting us back to the main road."

Whether it was the right path or not, it was certainly pleasant to travel on. The shade of the willow trees kept the path cool despite the summer heat that had been building over the main road. The path was wide enough for them to walk side by side comfortably.

After a while, they decided to settle down on some boulders by the side of a stream and eat their lunch. Thorin opened his bag and wrinkled his forehead.

"Did you put this in here?" he asked Dwalin, pulling out a leather package. "Because I certainly didn't."

Dwalin shook his head. "I didn't put anything into your pack. Let me take a look at it."

Thorin gave it to him and Dwalin carefully opened it, pulling out a note.

"'In case of emergency. (And that includes getting lost, in case you were wondering!) Much love, Dís and the boys'," he read out.

"Oh this is ridiculous!" Thorin exclaimed. "Now she is packing our _bags_ for us! What is in there?"

Dwalin pulled out a couple of fireworks. "So they can find us, I presume."

"We should set them off right now," Thorin grumbled. "And then keep travelling, so that they'll be looking for us in vain."

"Let's save them for a boring evening," Dwalin said. "At least we'll get a show out of it that way."

Thorin grudgingly agreed and took some fresh bread and ham out of their bags.

...

It was mid-afternoon by the time they came upon the first signpost. "Stonebridge" read one arrow, "Hogsmarsh" another and "Willowmead" the third. None of the arrows were actually pointing at any of the paths.

"What is the sense in signposts if they don't point at anything?" Dwalin grumbled.

"Not much, but I'd like to point out that none of them is labelled 'Sheephead Mountain'," Thorin said.

"That doesn't have to mean anything," Dwalin retorted. "Perhaps one of these paths just leads to one of the other destinations first and then to Sheephead Mountain."

"Or we took the wrong turn this morning," Thorin said.

Dwalin took out the map. "We ought to be about here," he said, pointing at the map. "Which means we should take the path to the left."

"You are still assuming we took the right turn," Thorin replied, taking the map and tilting it at an angle. "There should be a mountain right over there if we had. Instead, it is over there. Or perhaps it is that one..."

"We could try to determine which mountain it is by finding out in which direction they are," Dwalin said. "Why don't you get out the compass?"

"I thought you had packed one," Thorin said.

"No, you were supposed to."

They stared at each other for a moment.

"So we have no compass. Just wonderful," Thorin concluded.

"Well, there's no use in getting upset about that now," Dwalin replied. "If we figure out which of the signs once pointed in the direction we came from, we should be able to turn the signpost so that we know which one to take. We did cross a stone bridge, so "Stonebridge" is probably the one we came from."

"That was barely a bridge at all," Thorin retorted. "And it was definitely made from wood, not from stone. On the other hand, the trees we walked under were willows, so I'd say we came from the direction of Willowmead."

"Those weren't willows, those were poplars!" Dwalin protested. "It must have been Stonebridge!"

"Well, if you insist," Thorin said. "You led us onto this path in the first place, so it's up to you to get us out of here again."

"We take that path." Dwalin decided.

They continued walking, Thorin following Dwalin. Neither of them whistled anymore.

...

It wasn't long before they reached another fork in the road.

"This way," Dwalin decided.

Thorin shook his head. "No, it's definitely the other way."

"I thought I was supposed to lead the way," Dwalin growled. "I say it is this one."

"That only leads us back towards the settlement again," Thorin insisted. "We might as well just turn around completely and try to find the path we should have taken in the first place."

"I know what I'm doing! If we follow this path, it will lead us to the one we should have taken."

"So you do admit we're lost!"

"We are not!" Dwalin shouted. "And if we are, it is your fault just as much as it is mine! You were supposed to pack that compass!"

"You were! And it's not like a compass would do us much good right now!"

"Well it certainly isn't helping that we DON'T have one! I'm going this way, if you follow me or not is up to you!" Dwalin said, stomping off.

Fuming, Thorin followed after him.

...

When they set up camp and ate dinner, it was a joyless affair.

Still, having some food in their stomachs lifted their moods slightly.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Dwalin said. "I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"I'm sorry too," Thorin replied. "We should figure out a way to deal with arguments like this, because there is just the faintest of possibilities we might get lost again."

"I doubt it, but perhaps whenever we can't agree on which path to follow, we could take turns deciding."

"That sounds like a good idea," Thorin said, shifting closer to Dwalin and putting his arm around him.

Dwalin leaned into him and they listened to the insects rustling and frogs croaking in the nearby creek until they fell asleep.

...

Dís and Balin stood side by side on the highest watchtower, looking out across the valley. They scanned it for any sign of smoke.

Finally, Dís spotted a pale column of smoke rising from between the distant trees.

"Oh, there they are! Didn't they say they wanted to head towards Sheephead Mountain first?"

"They did...," Balin said slowly.

Dís grinned at him. "I'd say they are already rather lost. On the first day. You know what that means."

Grumbling unhappily, Balin pulled a bag of money out of his pocket and tossed it towards Dís. "I can't believe they got so lost this quickly."

"Never underestimate my brother's ability to get lost," Dís said rather smugly. "They must have not only taken the wrong path, but one that leads to the left, not the right where Sheephead Mountain is."

"Oh." Balin went pale. "I might have forgotten to have the signposts on that trail fixed. I thought they couldn't possibly miss the right path and take that one."

Dís groaned. "Did you do this on purpose?"

Balin shook his head. "They don't need my help in getting lost. And if I had planned this, I wouldn't have placed my money on them losing their way on the third day."

Dís nodded. "That's true. But never mind that. The way things are going, we need to resort to our alternative plan anyway if we don't want them to get permanently lost and never see them again."

"I'll send Hjalma and Bersi out tomorrow."

...

Dwalin was up before Thorin as usual the following morning and began cooking breakfast. When the eggs and bacon were sizzling in the pan and Thorin was slowly starting to stretch and make the mixture of grumbling and whining noises that Dwalin knew indicated he was beginning to wake, Dwalin took out the map. Perhaps he would gain the insight that had eluded them the previous day.

And he indeed made a discovery, though it wasn't the one he had been hoping for.

"Oh dear."

"What is it?" Thorin asked, finally poking his nose out of the bed roll and blinking at Dwalin.

"This map is from thirty years ago. While I doubt the mountains have moved, the streams and paths may have shifted..."

Thorin shrugged and grinned. "It's not like maps make much sense anyway. If we get lost, we get lost, though I don't think we will. We'll manage somehow. Breakfast smells good, by the way."

Dwalin grinned back. "You're right. And we can always blame the map in the unlikely case that we do get lost."

...

From then on, while they still tried to find the way, they didn't worry too much whenever they didn't know where to go. They took their time, enjoying the landscape and each other's company.

Around lunchtime, they admitted that they had absolutely no idea where they were, but the mushroom and beef soup Dwalin cooked was rather delicious. They took a long nap in the shade of some trees, exchanging some lazy kisses.

When they continued across the meadows stretching before them, it was mid-afternoon. Before long, they saw a dwarf appear in the distance.

"Should we ask for the way?" Dwalin asked Thorin.

"No, if we do, whoever it is will be sure to tell Dís and Balin that we were lost. I don't want them to know that they were right."

"Hm, that's true," Dwalin agreed.

It didn't take long before they recognised Hjalma, one of the guard women.

"Hello Hjalma!" Dwalin called out. "What are you doing out here?"

"I took the day off to go walking a bit," she replied. "This is a nice detour you are taking to Sheephead Mountain. I suppose you are taking the scenic route to see the view from the Coal Hills first?" She gestured towards the left, where they could see the path fork in the distance due to the curve of the rise they were following.

"Yes, yes. Exactly. That was just what we were doing," Thorin said hurriedly, seeing Dwalin roll his eyes. "Just taking the scenic route."

"Well, have a nice day!" Hjalma said and they all continued on their way.

"That was convenient," Thorin said once she was out of earshot. "I hadn't expected her to show us into the right direction without us even asking."

"Hm..." Dwalin said noncommittally.

...

They followed the left path when they came to the fork, following it down into forest in the valley. Unfortunately, they soon came to a crossroad. None of the arrows announced the Coal Hills.

"Where do we go now?" Dwalin asked.

"She pointed left," Thorin said uncertainly, looking down the small, winding path leading to the left.

"She did," Dwalin agreed, not looking terribly convinced either.

They set into motion. The path was narrow and slippery after a recent rainfall. Occasionally, they climbed downwards on all fours. To their surprise, the path turned onto a sloping meadow after a sudden turn.

"Look, there's a stream down there where we can wash!" Thorin pointed out.

The prospect of washing off the mud that clung to their hands, ran down their faces with their sweat and caked their boots was quite an incentive. They hurried towards the stream, barely taking note of the flowers growing on the meadow or the insects buzzing around them.

Dwalin dropped his bag by the side of the stream and jumped in with all his clothes on, pouring water on all the places that weren't submerged in the shallow mountain stream.

Thorin followed suit but took off his shirt to scrub it more thoroughly. Dwalin was quickly done and, remembering his general dislike of water, got out and lay down on a rock to let himself dry in the warm sunshine. He contentedly closed his eyes.

It wasn't much that alerted Thorin something was wrong, just a subtle shift in the light. He looked up and nearly froze.

"Dwalin," he whispered. "Behind you. Run!"

Within seconds, they had grabbed their packs and were sprinting back up the hill, an enormous bull snorting and huffing at their heels.

Although they stopped hearing the bull soon after they were back inside the forest, they didn't stop running until they were at the crossroad again. They stood there panting and caked in mud again, trying to catch their breath and listening to hear if the bull was still after them. All was quiet, except for the birds singing in the trees.

It was only then that Thorin realised he had dropped his shirt in the stream.

"I don't believe I'll ever see it again," he realised sadly. "It's a shame; that was my favourite shirt."

"Well, we definitely aren't going back again," Dwalin said. "I'm not facing that beast a second time and I refuse to let you throw away your life like that."

"I didn't intend to go and get it," Thorin said. "Where do we go now?"

"I think I have quite enough of trying to get to the Coal Hills after that experience," Dwalin said, looking at the signpost. "Greenvale Rock sounds nice."

Thorin nodded and they took the larger path to the right instead.

...

"Isn't this convenient?" Thorin asked. "There is already a campsite here."

"Yes, that's because _we_ set up camp here three days ago," Dwalin said drily. "Remember that nice boulder over there?"

"Oh," Thorin said, suddenly a lot less enthusiastic. "But we followed all the signposts towards Greenvale Rock after that debacle with the bull in that valley. There wasn't anywhere where there was any uncertainty about which way to go. I would have sworn we didn't do anything wrong this time."

"So would I," Dwalin said darkly. "I think Dís and Balin might have had the guards change the signposts. They probably think we'll be in less danger of getting so lost we'll never show up again if they keep us moving in circles."

"That would be just like them," Thorin agreed. "So what do we do now?"

"I'd say we enjoy our dinner and make the most of the evening. We'll decide what to do about our travel route when we get to the next signpost tomorrow."

...

"I'll eat my beard if this signpost wasn't pointing the other way two days ago," Dwalin said, looking at where the post was buried in the ground. "Yes, it has been turned around recently."

"They really have been leading us in circles," Thorin grinned. "Let's see what happens if we ignore the sign and just head in the other direction."

"Perfect!" Dwalin laughed. "Perhaps there is some great secret or pot of gold they don't want us to find there."

...

"Good morning!" Jónvár greeted from where she was sitting on a stone by a fork in the path.

"And what a wonderful morning it is indeed," Dwalin replied, grinning.

"So where are you going?"

"We are on our way to Greenvale Rock," Thorin said.

"Oh, imagine that!" Jónvár said. "That is just where I was going! Do you mind if I join you for a bit?"

"Be our guest," Thorin replied, exchanging a grin with Dwalin.

"By the way, Tharglir the cheesemaker found this by the stream on the meadow where he keeps his bull," Jónvár said, holding up a shirt. "Is it by any chance yours?"

"It is!" Thorin said. "I didn't think I'd see it again. Thank you!"

They had barely walked for five minutes when Jónvár stopped suddenly.

"Oh no, I forgot my water flask! You know what, you two go on ahead, no need to wait for me. Just one more question: I need to take the left turn in the next crossroad and then keep right until I can actually see the rock, right? I'm a bit unsure about that first turn."

"Uh, yes, that sounds about right," Dwalin said.

Thorin nodded vigorously.

"Let's just take the way she described, shall we?" Thorin said once Jónvár was out of earshot.

"It's worth a try," Dwalin agreed.

That afternoon, they actually got to where they had wanted to go for the first time in over a week. Although they set up camp next to the Rock, Jónvár never showed up. They hadn't expected her to.

...

After that, neither of them bothered with the signposts anymore. Whenever they ventured too far away from where they supposed Dís and Balin wanted them to go, they ran into one of the town guards who just happened to be loitering about close to a fork in the road.

Thorin and Dwalin generally just followed their directions and occasionally even managed to find the sights they were looking for.

When they did get lost again, they knew they didn't have to worry about truly walking somewhere they didn't want to be. Sooner or later, there would be another helpful dwarf.

...

"Good afternoon, Bersi," Thorin greeted the dwarf sitting beside the signpost. "Have we reached the edge of the area we are supposed to stay in?"

Bersi grinned at them. "I'm afraid so. I can recommend Pebblewood Pond as a nice destination. It is about a day's walk from here."

Dwalin and Thorin looked at each other and nodded. "Sounds good. How do we get there?"

Bersi handed them a written description and pointed the way out on their map, telling them what to take note of.

"Thank you," Thorin said. "So how are things at home? Is everything running smoothly?"

"Yes, Lady Dís is doing a commendable job in solving all the disputes and problems. She is a capable ruler, you don't need to worry about her."

"That's good to hear," Thorin replied, happy to have a confirmation of what he had known all along. "Do you mind doing this? I hope being one of our minders isn't too much of a problem for anyone?"

Bersi shook his head, grinning again. "No, it is rather pleasant to spend some time out in the open. There's lots of time to whittle which is a pleasant change from guard duty in town. This is almost like a holiday for me too. And, no offence, it can be rather amusing."

"I imagine so," Thorin said wryly. "But I'm glad our little adventure isn't too much of a burden. Have a nice day! We'll try not to wander out of bounds again."

"Good luck finding Pebblewood Pond! See you soon!"

...

"Look! There are raspberries!" Dwalin exclaimed. "We could pick some for dinner today."

"Good idea," Thorin agreed. "Let's just make sure we don't get too far off the path."

Dwalin took out the small pail he used for cooking coffee, Thorin reached for their small cooking pot and they began picking. Slowly, the ground of their containers became covered in raspberries as they discussed whether it was better to eat the raspberries as they were or turn them into a sauce they could put on the pancakes they were planning on making.

They picked for over an hour, slowly moving from one bush to the next. It was only when the light began fading from the sky between the trees that Dwalin looked up.

"We should probably start moving again and find a place to set up camp."

Thorin looked around. "Where is the path?"

"It should be over there," Dwalin said, pointing in one direction.

"Oh. I would have sworn it is in that direction," Thorin said, pointing somewhere else entirely.

They looked at each other.

"We are idiots," Thorin groaned, drawing his hand over his forehead and smearing it with raspberry juice in the process. "We have finally lost the path."

"Oh well," Dwalin said, shrugging his shoulder. "It was probably unavoidable in the end. We do have enough food left and I'm sure we'll find the way out. If not, they'll find us sooner or later."

Thorin nodded. "It will just be rather embarrassing, that is all. I do hate to prove Dís right."

"That's the problem, isn't it?" Dwalin said. "She has the unfortunate habit of being right."

They looked around for a nice place to set up their camp and soon found a space where the trees were far enough apart not to interfere with their campfire. There weren't too many pinecones on the ground either, which was always an advantage when it came to finding a place to put their bed rolls.

...

"Do you think we should worry?" Dís asked Balin after listening of the daily report of the guards. "Nobody has seen Thorin and Dwalin in days and they should have returned yesterday."

"I don't think so. We have still seen the smoke of a campfire in Pinetop Woods the last couple of evenings. Those fools just wandered off the path and are too proud to set off the fireworks."

Dís nodded slowly. "They should still have enough food left and it will do them good to admit their mistakes for once. Besides, Fíli and Kíli have been having a great time watching for the fireworks and have been causing rather less trouble than usual. Why close a good mine before it runs out of ore?"

"Exactly," Balin said grinning. "I say they'll light the fireworks within the next three days. Bet you one pouch of silver?"

"They'll take longer than that," Dís said. "I say five to seven more days."

They shook hands on the bet.

...

"I don't think this is much use," Thorin said. "We have been travelling for days and I no longer recognise anything. There are just trees after trees after trees."

"Let's just give up," Dwalin agreed.

"You want us to use the fireworks?" Thorin asked, slightly horrified at the prospect of admitting defeat.

"No, we still have food for several days. There's no need for that quite yet. I can think of better ways to pass our time than searching for some stupid path anyway." He grinned at Thorin and Thorin suddenly found himself being straddled.

"Oh. You are right, there are definitely better ways to pass our time... Let me help you there..."

...

"Should we start the fireworks now?" Dwalin asked, lighting his pipe and watching the fireflies flit around the clearing.

"No, I don't think so. Being on holiday is just too nice and we know Dís is not having any problems running the settlement either. Let's stay here for just a bit longer," Thorin said, snuggling closer to Dwalin. "I can't remember having this much peace and quiet in ages."

"Yes, it is remarkably calming," Dwalin agreed. "We should do this again next year."

"Definitely. And we might even see Sheephead Mountain then. It's a shame we didn't manage to reach it."

...

"Amad! Amad! They've sent up the fireworks!" Fíli shouted, running into their home, Kíli following close on his heels.

"Well, that was about time!" Dís said, happy that once again, Balin would have to pay up. "Those stubborn brickheads have been sitting behind the same rise for five days. They've probably run out of firewood. You know where they are, right? Do you want to go and fetch them?"

"Yes! They are behind the rise right around the first corner of the main road! We'll get them! It shouldn't take long."

They raced off.

"See you in a few minutes!" Dís shouted after them before collapsing in a fit of laughter.


End file.
